I regret not enjoying things the second time.
4 min readAug 19, 2021
- I regret not enjoying things the second time. I wish I had woken up earlier on that Friday for the freshmen welcome rites. I should’ve brought my share of the balloons and face paint. I should’ve had my face painted. I thought all these new kids weren’t cool because they were wearing happy faces, oblivious to the poor systems that exists in the institution they went into. It was stupid to think that it was uncool to make a big deal out of walking through an old arch. I thought it was cool that I already walked through it, so I didn’t have to do it again. I could’ve at least pretended to enjoy it, maybe I’d actually end up enjoying it.
- I regret not enjoying things more than once. The introductions during the first week of classes were supposed to help students build new friendships. I could’ve just sat through the awkward ice breakers where students from all over the Philippines simply wanted to feel comfortable in Manila. Looking back, all the cringe-y singing and dancing could’ve been good memories to look back on, but I don’t have those memories and I wouldn’t be able to gain them anymore. All I have in my head is a cold afternoon in an internet café, losing a ranked game on league, something that’s happened a thousand times since.
- I regret gatekeeping experiences. I should’ve invited my new classmates to the hidden gems of great food inside and outside the campus. I should’ve told them about the secret kissing spots, or the discreet movie houses, or the cheap food stalls. I should’ve invited them over for open-mics, and game nights, and late-night conversations. I should’ve spent time with them in campus events, concerts, org projects. I was too focused on my own enjoyment. They’d find out about all these things eventually, then maybe I could’ve enjoyed it with them.
- I regret rushing too much. I should’ve walked slower on sidewalks as a college freshman. I should’ve kept out of issues outside of what I can do something about. I should’ve taken the time to write down notes in class. I should’ve drank coffee and milk-tea much slower. I should’ve finished all the sticks I lit. I should’ve slowed down and aimed better at all the 8th balls I had to pocket. I should’ve stayed in seminars up until the last speaker. I should’ve spent more time with my classmates, org-mates, friends.
- I regret not pursuing something deeper with the first person that liked me back. We had the same taste in music, we liked the same books. She smelled so good, spoke like every sentence is a poem, made great playlists, and wrote eloquently. I can’t believe I made up some lousy excuse of not being good enough for her, but the truth is that I was just too overwhelmed with what we had that I couldn’t trust a world where things are going too well.
- I regret cutting off everyone from senior high, holding grudges that meant nothing to anyone other than me. I wish I’d have at least tried at least once, to talk it through with any of them. I wish I’d just been honest. They were the nicest people that I’ve ever met, and they only did an un-nice thing once. I should’ve been the nice person at that moment, then maybe I’d be enjoying birthdays and anniversaries with them through the years.
- I regret obsessing over CETs. I forgot to submit a project for calculus, and I missed out on three debuts, just because I wanted to prove that I have the option of leaving a place that I’ve felt stuck in for too long. No percentile score can replace the drunken nights, and the happy unforgettable memories that happened on those moments. Maybe if I’d just passed up memorizing the phases of the moon and the properties of a triangle for one night, then maybe I’d be laughing with my friends whenever they recall their experiences when we’re hanging out on discord.
- I regret telling myself that I’m too young. I’ve passed up so many opportunities because I didn’t trust my own capabilities. I’ve let myself make very immature decisions, often hurting others along the way, and brushing it off because I was “too young”. If only I held my chin up and took on the challenge of making better decisions, if only I held myself to higher standards. I shouldn’t have excused myself for making bad choices, maybe then I’d have less regrets.
- I regret not recognizing my regrets. I spend too much time justifying everything I’ve done and not done, up until this point. There’s too much content out there that tells people to not live with regrets, I think I took that advice in the worst possible way. Instead of living life with no regrets, I just tried to run away from them. I regret running away from my regrets. If this is what it takes for me to appreciate everything that’s happened before everyone got locked up in their own rooms, then I guess this would be the first step for me to appreciate some things that has happened while I’m stuck in my room, and that it’d help me appreciate life once I step out of it.
